Love & More Blog & Podcasts

Play Out Loud

I recently taught a class on Aural S•x, all about using our voices and words to create connection and turn-on. This is SO HARD for so many of us! It used to be hard for me, too. It's also the place I often spend the most time with clients, because it's the key to asking for what we want and to both expressing and feeling exponentially more pleasure. If we can't say it, they won't know it, and we won't get it. If they don't say it, we have to guess or use telepathy, neither of which usually works very well, and THEY won't get what they want. 

Silence in the bedroom is so prevalent, and so unhelpful! And talking about what we want outside of the bedroom, still feels impossible and awkward and taboo for most folks. So many of us are afraid to even make a sound during s•x. We're afraid of what our partner might think, we're afraid of doing it wrong, we think we might sound "weird" or turn them off. You might even hold your breath to make SURE you don't make any sound. (I used to do this before I learned how much it blocked sensation!) Think about a time when you've had great s•x. I'm betting it was messy, imperfect, and loud! Or, if not loud - full of grunts, moans, laughter, and other amazing anatomical noises.

So many of us learn early on to be silent in our explorations so we won't get "caught" when we're still young and living at home. Then we have a long or short hiatus of independence - but wait... the neighbors! And then if we become parents, once again we turn it down so we won't get "caught" by the kids! 

It's worth it to soundproof the room, put a towel under the door, find a time when you have the place to yourself... and GET LOUD. Feel the pure fun of it! Laugh with the joy of it!

It's worth it, to practice saying out loud, the words or phrases that send a thrill through your body. If you don't know any, read up! Find erotica that works for you. Google is your friend. Better yet, find podcasts and audiobooks that offer short stories in a genre you love. Listen to HOW they say what they say: tone of voice. Growly. Whispering. Then - practice! At red lights, alone in your car. In front of the mirror. Until it feels real and natural, and you can bring it to your partner as a shiny new turn-on toy. If it still feels too hard, come talk to me. This is one of the places having a coach can REALLY help.

Sound is breath, and life, and brings vibrational joy into the world. Use your words. Dare to play out loud.

xo - Anne

Anne More